The Fear of Feeling ... and why it's keeping you in pain

If I had to name the biggest barrier to healing, I would say it's the FEAR of FEELING.

People living in pain are often working really hard to get "better" or to get "fixed". They visit professionals like myself, they invest in expensive supplements, they subscribe to the latest podcasts, they keep seeking answers. On one level I applaud their drive, their persistence and the way they value their health.

Unfortunately, beneath that cycle, lies a very big oversight.

There is nothing to be fixed - because the soul is never broken.

From the level of the mind or mental plane, pain or injury is perceived as "something wrong".

From the level of the soul, pain or injury is simply an invitation to know more, to go deeper, to learn to grow.

We all get to choose which level we wish to operate from, and all solutions that someone perceives as helpful most likely are. However, after 30 years of working with bodies I have come to the conclusion that pain is not a problem. It is simply the orange light on your car's dash interior letting you know that it might be time to sit yourself down and learn to be with yourself.

Barrier One - Finding a safe place to simply BE

I drove 50 mins on the weekend to find a random piece of bush in the Perth Hills that would allow me to be alone. It was surprisingly hard to find a place in nature that did not contain other people, where I could drop all vigilance and lay on the earth and breathe. My home is lovely, but with kids, and random door knocks and dog barks, I am aware that I simply can't drop the vigilance layer in my home environment. Therefore I intentionally go and find it.

Barrier Two - Being still, closing the eyes, laying down and breathing.

This process takes practice for many of us, who are excellent at "doing". Giving oneself the permission to lay on the earth for a few hours to simply breath and feel into our bodies somehow seems "unproductive" " not useful" "lazy" etc. It does require an acceptance that "it will be uncomfortable" and each time you resist the urge to wriggle, walk, talk, check the phone, etc you are conditioning your nervous system towards peace. It is in the "peace" place that tissue repair unfolds.

The breathing is also an interesting experience. The longer you lay, the more you notice how many layers of "protective holding" are attached to your body. You also become aware of the spaces where the "holding" seems more pronounced. Mine is around my right neck and shoulder and around my ribs. I simply breathe and notice where the air is easily reaching and where I feel it's not reaching. I visualise directing the breathe into the "tightly held" spaces. I repeat words like ; "surrender", "let go", "mother earth has my back", "I am supported", " I am safe", "I am loved" etc

Then I notice my senses. The sounds, the feelings of heat/ warmth/ wind. The shadows of light and dark dancing beneath my eye lids. This takes as long as it needs to take.

Barrier Three - Tuning to the sensations and inviting them to speak

Once I feel inwardly focussed and safe and able to stay with myself, I start scanning for anything the body wants me to know more about. For people in pain, I usually advise them to notice the sensation that most grabs their attention. I then invite them breathe into this sensation and to amplify it with breath. Yes, I said AMPLIFY not AVOID, DISTRACT, MEDICATE. The ability to lean in towards discomfort or pain in our bodies is the HARDEST act and counter intuitive to our culture's habits. Hence why I talk about the FEAR of FEELING. We are naturally fearful of an experience we were never coached in.

To be able to lay and to breath and to fully feel what arises out of these sensations is true courage. For those with significant trauma, I suggest having a loving presence beside you, may allow the experience to feel 'safer'. Often when we tune into the pain, there are colours, visions, scenes that replay. They may be from last week's work meeting or from childhood events. Some sensations are simple and easy to appease, others are truly soul busting. When we are able to hold ourselves with compassion and love and grace whilst we sob, stomp, yell, scream, rock, shake all that wants to be felt or known or seen, then we are showing up for ourselves in ways that we always wanted someone else to show up for us.

On the other side of the Fear of Feeling is the Freedom and liberation to integrate and be our essential self. It's not a one session cure all, but rather a way of moving through life where you are your greatest ally. Your body and your mind and your emotions and your soul all become aligned, and the energy liberation is truly beautiful. The energy is no longer going into scaffolding and protecting personas, so it can be channeled now towards tissue repair or creative expression.

This is the practicality of living in our world. Courage to care about how WE truly feel and to own it, and to speak it, and to make choices and decisions which support our own soul's expression - That's courage. We find the courage when we face the fears and dissolve them with love.

For anyone interested in what I describe above - it has a fancy term called "somatic experiencing".

It's the opposite of dry needling, medicating, heavy deep tissue releasing, violent chiropractic adjustments.... You can force the body all you like to release stuff, but in my experience, it wont release anything if it does not feel safe to. Nor will it release anything that it doesn't feel you have capacity for in your current life phase or stage. Emotional releases last approx 90 seconds. That one fact, allowed me to begin my own journey all those "numb" years ago. I recall telling myself that "no matter how ugly I feel inside, it's only for 90 seconds and I can do that". I can also reassure you that each time you face the uncomfortable, you are building your emotional muscles and it gets easier.

I won't that life gets easier, but I do promise your experience of life will feel richer and your ego and body will learn to allow emotions to move through safely without holding, which will hopefully allow aging to be a smoother ride.

Remember the simplicity.

We came to BE, not Do.

We came to BE ourselves, not what the world demanded of us.

Reclaiming our own autonomy starts with embracing the fear of feeling. I invite you to play with the simplicity and power of emotions - you can't get it wrong and it may change your world.

Reach out if your seeking clarification or assistance with any of what I write. - Move Well - Marion